Supernatural ended its 15-year run tonight. As such, I have come here not to praise the show, but to bury it. (That’s how that goes, right?) So let’s get into it and talk about the Supernatural finale.
Spoiler Alert: A Brief Run-Down of the Supernatural Finale
image via The CW
(Note: This will also contain spoilers for last week’s episode, “Inherit the Earth.”) After a season spent preparing for a battle between the Winchesters and Chuck, aka God, it all came to a head last week. Sam and Dean really showed God by luring the Almighty into *checks notes* beating the s-word out of them. However, it turns out that it was all a ruse so a deus ex Jackina could be born. In other words, Jack spent his season absorbing universes’ worth of energy, so when the time came, he could just render Chuck as harmless as a baby rabbit.*
But it wasn’t all “Meet the new God–same as the old God.” Jack went on to fulfill his heavenly responsibilities, while assuring the Winchesters that like the IRL Lord, he wasn’t really gone. Even if they can’t see him, he’s everywhere. After that, he departed them, and the Winchesters were free. They could go anywhere. They could do anything. Jackson Browne’s “Running on Empty” played instead of the usual Kansas, but that was okay. Fade to black. The end.
Wait, I’m being told that wasn’t actually the finale. Well, it’s what I’m going to remember.
Okay, Okay. Let’s Talk About the Real Finale, If We Must
So, actually, the finale was a two-hour affair. The first hour wasn’t a real episode, though. Rather, it was a retrospective on the show featuring cast and crew members. It was fine, I thought, and I’m sure lots of folks enjoyed it. However, I found it a little light–it seemed like an extended introduction to the show to me. I would have liked to have heard some details that not even a relatively casual fan like me knows.
But then we came to an actual episode and the actual Supernatural finale. *long, deep sigh*
Forget Sam and Dean living a normal life. After a brief respite at Pie Fest–HELL YEAH, BRO–they find a case. Wait, there are still monsters? Girl, I guess. Anyway, they end up in a barn, fighting a nest of vampires, which they handily dispatch. And then–hang on a sec, I gotta go pace down my hallway and back.
Okay, champ–you can do this.
And THEN it turns out that in the course of the fighting, Dean is impaled on a post. After multiple fights AND deaths, a single nail ends Dean Winchester for good. It is one of the most absurd things to which I have ever borne witness.
All Deans Go to Heaven
I mean, Sam is right there, ready to call an ambulance, because Dean doesn’t seem to be in really bad shape. But nope, Dean’s the “guess I’ll die” meme man and he just monologues about how much Sam means to him until he finally shuffles off this mortal coil. And not to use pay channel language, but what in the HECK (again, I’m sorry) was that??? Let’s go back to the 2005 premiere and I’ll tell you that Dean basically dies of tetanus like a pilgrim.
Gah. After that, Dean finds himself in heaven. The Supernatural concept of a personal heaven, by the way, has always been one of my favorite things about the show. (Note to God: As we’ve discussed, Salomeville is an eternal autumn at my maternal grandparents’ house. Don’t forget.) It is also why I won’t roast the show for the fact that the Impala also goes to heaven. Anyway, in his role as our new Lord, Jack has taken that idea and expanded it, where you now get to spend eternity in a kind of heavenly neighborhood of your loved ones. It’s really sweet, although it is disappointing that we don’t get to see Castiel, who spearheaded this change, or Mary and John. (I’ll be charitable, though, and assume that was due to pandemic reasons.)
Meanwhile, Sam lives out the rest of his life in a succession of budget wigs.
My therapist: Sam's wig isn't real. It cannot hurt you.
— Red5WritingBy 🏳️🌈 Far Dareis Mai (@Red5WritingBy) November 20, 2020
Is that felt, my guy? We watch him and a vague woman shape that might be Eileen–but we’ll never know–raise a son they name Dean. Then Sam dies and joins Dean in Vancouven. (That’s heaven when you film it in Vancouver.) To sum up: Again, girl, I GUESS.
Anyhoozle, get those tetanus shots, gang! And as always, let me know what you thought about that finale, by commenting here or on our social media.
*On that note, here’s a palate cleanser.
featured image via The CW
Salomé Gonstad is a freelance writer who grew up in the swampy wilds of south Alabama. She now splits her time between the Appalachian wilds (of Alabama) and the considerably more refined streets of New York City. When she's not yelling about pop culture on the internet, she's working on a supernatural thriller about her hometown. Also, we're pretty sure she's a werewolf. Email her at email@example.com.