Nintendo Announces Advance Wars Released If Everyone Gets Along For a Week or More

Nintendo promised the Advance Wars 1+2 Re-Boot Camp it delayed indefinitely after Russia invaded Ukraine several weeks back. If everyone can get along for a bit, Nintendo will release it.

“Listen, if there aren’t any unpleasant connections to real-world events while you play it, we won’t get to release it,” stated Doug Bowser, President of Nintendo of America. “As such can we get everyone to relax for a bit so we can squeeze this fucker out in one night?” It was a hard work effort, so we are just waiting for the world to be a warmer and more violent place to burn it out. That’s not a good plan.

Gamers understood that it was important to have a tasteful time

Janell Sommer, a long-time Advance Wars enthusiast, said “Hey, it’s been years since this came out. What’s a little more time to make certain it won’t upset anybody?” There are many people who deal with serious issues in the real world, and it would be terrible if they found out that I shot a tank with 10 hit points as some kind of an insensitive prick. I will not be part of this, and I salute Nintendo for making that decision. I will continue to play Call of Duty Warzone with my friends.

However, some gamers were skeptical that the delay had been caused by the reasons stated.

“Whatever,” said Corey the young boy who comes to our office and harasses the writers. They didn’t have the game completed and needed another month to crunch. It’s obvious. It’s so obvious. This is not about football after 9/11, but war games. Or I’ll kick Mark’s arse again, so please buy me cigarettes!

At press time, Nintendo had moved Breath of the Wild 2 back a year. This was due to everyone’s inability on the internet to get along.